Monday, 31 December 2012

Last day Of The Year

Last day of the year
But do not fear
For in a matter of hours
A new year will be here
Exactly the same
As the one just gone
But with a different digit
Next to the '1'

Saturday, 8 December 2012

Existential Crisis

Existential crisis
In the middle of the night
Something unexpected
Not easily solved by
Anything he can do,
For, when all is said and done
To do
Is to what?

Wednesday, 5 December 2012


All his housemates are asleep
This is not okay,
he needs their company, for his sanity to
For on his own, he just procrastinates
And wastes his un-precious time
By writing such nonsense
As this unimportant rhyme
Somebody should really
Make him right some proper words
That aren't fucking stupid
And slightly absurd
But they're asleep.

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Forgets How To Sleep

He forgets how to sleep
His sanity to keep
Though he is worn and exhausted
All his energy deported
To some distant and remote
Castle with a moat
Of fire and electric wire
To keep him from getting his respire
He still must find a way
To end and start the day

Sunday, 2 December 2012

Needs To Work

He needs to work
Deadlines are looming
But try as he might
His mind is booming
With thoughts not of work
Or assignments due in
But rather of all together
Quite different things
He knows he must concentrate
But finds it a chore
All this thinking is making his brain

We can infer from this verse that the author is a master of procrastination: choosing to compose first-class poetry perfection rather than dealing with 'deadlines [...] looming': in itself a comment on the procrastination of society as a whole.


Dreams awake him from his slumber
Lying fast asleep as lumber
He wishes they would let him be
Instead of forcing him to see
Memories painful and sorely missed
Oh wait, no
It was in fact a need to piss

Clearly the author is suffering some confusion as to whether the poetic voice's awakening was caused by dreams or as the writer so elegantly states, 'a need to piss', which it could be inferred is a satirical comment on the nature of human emotions: which are such that they can be confused with a desire to urinate. Insightful.


He pops out for some milk
And before he can think
His legs have taken over
With his brain not in sync
He's running and running
Heart pumping away
This is not how he imagined
He'd end his short day

Sleep III

Should sleep
To keep
His eyes
Is quite a task
But to go to bed
Is an effort vast
To stand up straight
And use his legs
Would surely use at least an egg's
Worth of energy

Saturday, 1 December 2012


He walks alone
He walks too far
He walks until he's left the cars
And roads, and homes, and people too
Until the ever-darkening hue
Of a sky with winter sorrow full
Has faded fully out of view

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Sand Castle

He builds a castle out of sand
Feels it crumble through his hands
With every grain that falls away
The walls collapse, to his dismay
The windows cave, the doorway snaps
The roof gives way, too quick to catch
The parapet all too soon falls down
The moat, the castle's sand, does drown
And before he can even say goodbye
The water's taken to the sky

We can infer from this verse that the author is bad at building sand castles.

Thursday, 22 November 2012


Numbs the pain
Keeps him sane
Helps him chill
Makes him not feel
Drink it up
Refill the cup
Start again

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Cold House

Cold house
Not even a mouse
Not even a louse
Not even a grouse
Could tolerate the temperature
At large in this house
Blankets galore
Cold weather deplore
As with socks, scarves and gloves
The garments he loves
Attempt to protect him
From the harsh coldness within
The cold house

It is not often that a verse so vivid in description and imagery touches upon the subject matter of this particular poem. Not only is the author criticising the literall temperature of a 'cold house', but, moreover, the 'house' itself is serving as a metaphor for the hearts of modern homo sapiens, who leave no place in their conscience for the existence of any constituents of nature which do not immediately serve their needs: a concept alluded to in the mention of a 'mouse', 'louse', and 'grouse'.

Thursday, 8 November 2012

The First First

The first first
Though it was written
In a burst
Has quenched his thirst
To get a first
From now on his work can be his worst
No need for him to get a hurst
For, (although he wouldn't) he gets a first
Although he isn't truly versed
It seems he has the words coerced
Just enough
To get a first.

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Cold Station

Cold station
Such commotion
When rather he
would clearly be
Up to his eyeballs
In the ocean
But alas instead
A cold station

Within the verse, we find the author to be demonstrating a sense of lamentation which one could be forgiven for mistaking as a reaction to the 'cold' nature of the station alone, but which, upon closer examination appears to be alluding to the writer's love of entering the sea 'up to his eyeballs'.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

2 4 Tue

Whilst 2 4 Tue
Might sound a good deal
The price to be paid
Is still far from ideal
Whilst the food may taste good
And fills him up as food should
The volume of funds
Is unacceptable for one
Who is a student

Whilst, when taken at face value, the verse appears to be making a stand against Domino Pizza's 'Two For Tuesday' offer, it is furthermore likely that the author is commentating moreover on the general state of contemporary Western society. The use of the contracted lexis 'Tue' in place of 'Tuesday' is in itself a criticism of the modern lifestyle: mocking the idea of 'Fast Food' in its refusal to address the 'Two For Tuesday' title in its entirety, opting instead for a lazy abbreviation and going as far to replace the words 'Two' and 'For' with digits - reflecting concisely the lazy and indifferent attitude of modern man, and, crucially, the dangers of the electronic age - which itself gives rise to such sloppy literary techniques as are shown in the substitution of numbers in place of whole words.

Sunday, 30 September 2012

Early Starts

He wakes up early
To go to his lecture
Even though at this time
His general conjecture
Is much to be desired
As though his brain has been fired
The thoughts he must muster
Are, at best, lacklustre
Because of
Early starts.

The message imparted through the verse's middle line 'as though his brain has been fired' is relevant not only to the author, but rather to society as a whole. We can interpret this line as being an attack upon the everyday laziness and perfunctory attitude demonstrated by the western world as a whole, to the extent that even when 'thoughts' - here symbolising human activity - does occur, it is, at best, 'lacklustre.

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Litter Picking

He picks up litter
To pay the fee
When it comes to bottles
And cans
He's on a spree
Two sacks in a second
Are full and complete
But the ache in his back
And the sore in his feet
Make this job one of toil
With a start early to-boot
Picking up underwear soiled
Is not such a hoot
But at the end of the day
He did not have to pay
For Bestival.

Friday, 31 August 2012

Festival Flu

He throws up profusely
From dawn until dusk
He is ill acutely
From alcohol and drugs
It's his own fault of course
But it had to be done
Whilst Festival may be
The Flu, isn't fun.

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Cheesy Single

Cheesy single
On a plate
Is this wise?
Or a mistake
The texture's odd
The flavour's off.

A mallet on the pallet
And a doubt in the brain:
Why am I eating this cheese,

Whilst it may be the general consensus that cheesy singles (a.ka. slices of reconstituted cheese) are a substandard format of cheese, the author, personally, has a lot of time for the runny orange delights.

Friday, 17 August 2012

Bedtime Hunger

Bedtime hunger's
On his mind
He dreams of meals
Tasty and sublime
But instead,
Before he rests his head
He'll eat Tesco Everyday Value Bran flakes

Monday, 6 August 2012

Free Fish

He wakes up early
To get free fish
The sort that swim
Not served in a dish
The end prize is weighed
Against the price to be paid
That is in this case
A much longer day
For he wakes up early
To get free fish.

Clearly the author of the vers is an enthusiastic over the abstract concept of 'free fish' in what can only be interpreted as a graceful stand against the clanky contemporary Capitalism of the western world. The poem speaks of a time when there may be 'no such thing as a free lunch,' but the concept of 'free fish' is never to be overlooked.

Sunday, 5 August 2012

Drinking Game

They drink what's left
But, alas, in vain
The alcohol's sparse
And the taste is a pain
Shot glasses are egg cups
And the tables a stool
When the alcohol's gone
They'll be left looking like fools.

Thursday, 2 August 2012

Morning Hunger

Wakes up hungry
But the effort to move
Is more than he can ever
Be bothered to prove
A saucepan in the fridge
He could eat it is true
But then he remembers
That he'd still have to chew.

Monday, 9 July 2012


Murray here, Murray there
People cannot help but stare

Murray lost or Murray won
Watching Murray's always fun

Monday, 18 June 2012

Urinate Pt. II

He needs to urinate yet again
Like emptying ink out of a pen
But to move the nib across the paper
Is more than he can ever endeavor
For be it cursive, print or caps,
Getting out of bed is a lot of effort.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Two Pound Lemonade

Two pound lemonade
Is this price real?
Or just a charade?
And all that he wanted
Was a drink in the shade.
But no use drinking here
Where drink comes at a price
Too high for a beverage that isn't beer
Or doesn't come with ice.

The author of this verse is clearly outraged by the cost of drinks in today's consumerist and capitalist conundrum that is Cameron's Britain.

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Cider and Beer

Cider and beer
Was a bad idea
Or so it seems
To his brain unclean
From the discomfort of
A hangover bad
Perhaps cider and beer
Is not a worthwhile fad

Monday, 21 May 2012


Wakes up abruptly
With an ant on his face
Many would deem this
An utter disgrace
But he himself knows
There was nothing he could do:
That's the price of living in a port-a-cabin
For you.

As we can ascertain from the opening line of the verse, the author has suffered an 'abrupt' awakening brought about by the presence of 'an ant on his face'. Presuming that the 'ant' in question is in fact a metaphor for the physical manifestation of his inner fears, the poet has in fact awoken himself. Deep.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012


Hasn't slept
In two whole days
Or maybe more
His life's a haze
Of essays, notes and
Evaluations galore
If only sleep
Work did not deplore.
This post's significant
One might say
It's the hundredth verse

Sunday, 29 April 2012


Exports one video
And then another
Wants to huddle beneath bed's
Quilted covers
But yet more work is there to do
If he's to make his video
Into a final brew.

Friday, 27 April 2012


He likely should wash
He smells quite a lot
Beneath his arm blots
Of sweat, mark the spot
He should jump in the shower
If for just half an hour
To remedy his scent
Rather than lament
The times when he didn't smell.

Clearly, the author is having trouble coming to terms with his current state of being: that is, the ' times when he didn't smell' of which he speaks at the end - if taken to represent something he has lost - are plaguing him with their absence. The futility of his attempts to 'remedy his scent' without showering are evermore apparent through his reference to the 'spot' and 'marks' beneath his arms - which it could be inferred hold dark allusions to self-harm - and as a result this verse is not so much a yearning lyrical tale of what the author desires, but rather a crooning lament of the times he did not 'smell'. What a lazy sod.

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Two Cups in a Row

Two cups
In a row
Will not
His mind blow
For with caffeine
He knows
The seeds of inspiration
It sows
And thoughts within

If we infer that the 'cups' referred to in the verse are a metaphor for life - playing on the clich├ęd phrase of 'cup half full/empty' - then the author is is presenting the audience with a picture of modern day existence.  The 'Caffeine,' mentioned in the piece - which we can interpret as being the very essence of life - holds the ability to destroy (having negative dark connotations of suicide and self-destruction in the use of the lexis 'blow') and thus the poet is conveying the a sense of human fragility in which human existence teeters on the brink of being and ceasing to be. Or it could just be about coffee.

Friday, 13 April 2012

From Wales To Reading

From Wales
To Reading
Whereby there lies bedding
Is a journey which is not too much of a toil
The car trundles on
Beneath the motorway sun
Let's hope it doesn't run out of oil.

Sunday, 8 April 2012


Won't last
Here for a day
Then goes away
Is there any chance that it will stay?
I won't raise your hopes, so I'll say 'nay'
But get some eggs down you today.

Reading To Wales

The arduous journey from Reading to Wales
Takes ample time like dozens of snails
Take to crawl through a vat of honey so thick
You can consume not all, no matter how hard you lick

The car pulls its way forward like a horse on the plane
Of the Serengeti travelling from the end to the start again
If only they had bothered to take an aircraft
Their expedition, this length of time, would truly not last

Friday, 6 April 2012


He loves Horcrux dearly
But can't for his life
Consume anymore, clearly
For it brings him strife
Pre-hangovers and bad-taste galore
Despite his wish to drink some more
Perhaps ordering such a volume of 24 bottles
Was a mistake and he shouldn't have bothered?
Ney, it was surely a worthwhile feat
As long as he mixes and doesn't drink it neat.

Friday, 30 March 2012

Forced To Write

When forced to write
A poem right
He finds it hard
Toils through the night
The deadline is
Just days away
And soon he must
A portfolio
So he drafts and scribes
And by-and-by
He finds a style:
This one, not like
Which serves his needs
And seeks to please
All eyes who read.
When forced to write
A poem right

From the author's choice to single-out the lexis 'display,' we can infere that the 'style [he finds]' is crafted for the purpose of being successful in the context of a viewing by critics other than himself. Thus, it is implied also, that the above poem is in fact not intended for public consumption: which is a pretty fucking stupid conclusion to come to about a piece of poetry published on an easily-accesible internet blog.

Wednesday, 21 March 2012


Needing to urinate
Is a feeling
Not so great
When laziness
Does create
A barrier
Between end desire
And one's place
Of current respire

Writer's Block

He works in vain
Can't stand the pain
Of writer's block
Which mocks his mind
Fixing fast a lock
Upon his thoughts
He wishes could be caught
In a net
As if fish
In wet

Tuesday, 20 March 2012


He busks for cash
To buy more lash
Which will all too soon be gone
In a flash
It's not that he's an alcoholic
He's a student.

Long Distance Journey

The long distance journey
Whilst with an end-result worthy
Was more than the passenger
Could tackle

He felt indeed
As if a life on on a ship he did lead
And was glad
Not to catch scurvy

Monday, 19 March 2012

Mothers' Day

Mothers' Day returns again
Get out the paper and a pen
Or buy a card with pre-defined
Over-used words and cliched lines
'You're the best mum in all the world'
Reads the card from every boy and girl
It might be true, it likely is
To each respective her and him
But to write the words
By ones own hand
Is far greater than a card from a can

Whilst it is ambiguous what the author is implying in the abstract phrase 'a card in a can' it can be inferred that this is an allusion to modern Western society's tendency to prefer the quick fix over the sincere solution.

Friday, 2 March 2012

For I will consider my cat Romulus (inspired by the work of Christopher Smart)

The following verse is based on this one by Smart.

For I will consider my cat Romulus.
For he is one of two cats in my home.
For he requests food to fund his sizeable figure.
For he eats too much and is of poor motivation to exercise.
For he will throw up on the rug when he has over-exerted himself on food.
For he will catch small rodents and birds to entertain himself.
For he will toy with the mice and play with the birds.

For he is bored.

For he will present them as gifts, regretfully unwanted.
For he sleeps all through the day.
For he sleeps all through the night.
For he could leave when he pleased but refrains.
For he has nowhere else he wishes to go.
For he is of an unemployed status and has no job to attend.
For he is a cat.

Poetical Analysis:
He writes a poem
About a cat
His cat in fact
Now what of that?
Why does he choose to place
'For he is bored'
On its own line?
Because, of course
It looks important.

The author has chosen to explain the poem's message through another poem. How pretentious.

Thursday, 1 March 2012

Leap Year

Leap year
Neither there nor here
Leap Year
Only occurs every four
Leap year
Those born on it needn't fear

For they're only of their age a quarter

Leap year
Won't be back four a while
Leap year
It may make you smile
If you're born on a leap year

Friday, 24 February 2012

Cameron & Clegg

'We will not cut the NHS'
Well that's a lie, we know the rest
'They'll be no problems, we know best'
I sorely hope that that's a jest
'We won't be biased to big business'
'We'll get the country out of this mess'
To believe such things would be naive
When Cam and Clegg set out to deceive
'From where shall we get extra cash?'
Perhaps from the bank manager's private stash?
'I know, we'll ramp-up uni fees'
'I said I wouldn't...' 'Oh Nick, please'
'You didn't think you'd keep that pledge?'
'I'm telling you, this idea's cutting edge'
Between the two not one word is true
But I guess that's politicians for you

Missed Lectures

He misses lectures
Though he knows he shouldn't
Likely could have gone
But he feels he couldn't
'Next week. Next Time'
'I haven't read the book'
'It'll be fine; at least I've taken a look'
But in the end
All is well
For when the time of assignments arises
He often finds his passion to exceed surprises

The simple message conveyed in this verse pivots on the fact that whilst the author may miss lectures on occasion, his over-riding passion to succeed ensures this does not negatively affect him. It could be inferred that the third person address 'Him' refers to a deity or higher power. However this is incorrect.

Sunday, 19 February 2012


All through the night
I twist and turn
Try as I might
I crave and yearn
For closed-eyed rest
A journey away
From Reality Beach
And Consciousness Bay
Cascading and tumbling
Light through the blinds
Finds me wailing and grumbling
In sun-rays unkind
Perhaps I should resign to a life without sleep
Or perhaps I should stop counting all these damn sheep

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Valentines Day

Strange in a way?
To show your love
For just a day
Through material
And cliche
Only to be forgotten
Some other

The repetition of the lexis 'day' alludes to the title and connotes that 'Valentines Day' lasts only for a short time (a day) before it ceases to exist.

Monday, 6 February 2012

Rain On The Roof

On the roof
In his ears
Sounds like hooves
Stamping down
On the metal
Building up
Like a kettle
Before the water
Reaches boiling

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Shadows On The Wall

On the wall they sprawl
Obscure, abstract
One and all
Is that a wolf?
Is that a bear?
It's just a fucking chair.

The nature of shadows is closely examined in this verse, to the point that the writer has ventured into the realms of questioning the nature of reality ('wolf?' 'bear?') itself.

Wednesday, 25 January 2012


In Starbucks he sits
Feeling sip by sip
The nagging sensation
Of capitalist domination
Which lines his mug
And makes others feel smug
As he sits in Starbucks

Mid-Lecture Hangover

During the lecture
His general conjecture
Decreases in standard
As, by-and-by
His head starts to fry
His brain starts to die
Contracting in size
Until, he can no longer hide
His hangover

We can deduce from a reading of this verse, that the author has a hangover.

Monday, 23 January 2012


When I get the blues
I put on my shoes
I go out on the town
And I go bust some moves

When I blow a fuse
I put on my shoes
I go for a walk
And it helps me to muse

When I have to choose
I put on my shoes
I get in the car
And I go for a cruise

When I'm looking for clues
I put on my shoes
I dress up as Sherlock
And go make the news

When my football team lose
I don't give a crap
I go back to bed
And I take a long nap

Clearly, the author holds shoes in high-esteem and seeks help from their footwear in times of personal struggle. This close relationship seems not to hold true for the final stanza, however, whereby the author 'don't [sic] give a crap' and finds resolution in 'a long nap.'

No Milk

He wakes up
There's no milk
Not a drop
Can be spilt
Into his morning
And so, he must trek
On foot to the west
To seek out
One Stop

This verse expertly depicts a situation of dire distress and unrest, caused by the absence of milk, which can only be remedied with an arduous journey 'to the west' in order to attain self-fullfillment.

Thursday, 19 January 2012


Man drokes*
Never smokes
Rolls papers
Never fakers
Only drunk
Never sober
In the morning he'll stop
But then he'll start over

NB: Droking = Drunk smoking.

As we can see in this verse, man's relationship with the consumption of burnt substances is based upon a lapse in sensibility, brought about by alcohol.

Saturday, 7 January 2012

Should Be Asleep

He should be asleep
But instead he will keep
Open his eyes
Until he feels weak
As time passes by
He mulls over sleep
Soon it will happen
His eyelids will close
And all will go dark
When he will wake
No one knows.

As a reader we can extract a powerful message from this verse: the final stanza proving particularly significant, hiding undertones of self-distruction and demise. The line 'when he will wake' sets up the theme of sleep, which in turn is often a euphemism for death, and from the closing line ' No one knows' it can be inferred that perhaps he will never wake - enforcing the aforementioned euphemism. The full stop acts as a conformation of his terminus. An alternate interpretation could simply be that the author is very lazy and prefers to sleep late.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

New Year

Old Year gives way to New Year
Which proceeds from Old Year
Which gives birth to New Year
For which there is much cheer
Much drinking of beer
And, for some, a tear
As those of the last annum just gone
Wave goodbye as the New Year comes on
Goodbye to old
Hello to the new
Now let's settle down, and enjoy a hot brew.

Highlighted within this verse are the themes of 'new' and modernistic concepts superseding those of the 'old'.