Wednesday, 20 January 2016


5.5 litres
Plus coffees and teas
And now it's a Fosters
But he's only peed
4, maybe 5 times
To his recollection
How is his body capable
Of such liquid collection?


His schedule
A mess
He trys his very
To leave the house. But
Despite his best efforts
He'a incapable of leaving
And finds himself stuck
At Lords.

Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Knock, Knock

At 10:30 he rises,
Shines he does not,
As down the stairs he dresses
Upon hearing a knock.
The postman? It must be,
But his brow drops when it's not;
Are we honest?
Two women in winter attire
Ask, as he gazes through eyes groggy and tired
Probably? Just about? Most people try?
No, young man, don't you see? the world's wicked and dire!
He answers when asked, no, he has not read the bible.
Oh, nevermind, you're not religious? That's fine!
But if you get tempted it's now free online!


Monday, 4 January 2016

The Spree Pt. 1

In bed he lies
About to close his eyes
But by-and-by
He must try
To write a verse
That sort of rhymes;
'cause like it or not
He's lost the plot, and
Is only
Writing to continue
The spree.

Sunday, 3 January 2016

Beans on Beans

Forget the toast
It's beans on roast
Beans on pasta
Beans, the most
Universal haricot
Open the can:
They're good to go.
Corbyn's supper,
Bazza's lunch
But eat them for both
And you'll regret that munch

The writer's seemingly harmless obsession with beans likely hides a darker, more menacing addiction to harder substance abuse, ad we can infer from the word 'haricot' - most likely cockney rhyming slang for blow,  or cocaine.

This interpretation is supported further by the lexical choice of 'munch' - surely referencing the famous 'munchies' that accompany the ingestion of marijuana.

Saturday, 2 January 2016

An Online Affair (AKA Halo without Jlo)

Man plays Halo
Not one-on-one Highground
But an online match
In which deaths
For try as he might
Despite all his might
He still can't quite
Go positive on his KD

Friday, 1 January 2016

New Years Day Day

Again the time comes
The new year has begun
And in true January style
His head and body feel vile
A night of overindulgence
On white strike and stubbies
Of pints in pubs with homeless blokes
And accidental drunken morning smokes
Has left his head reeling and
His whole body feeling
Too bad to...