Hayden Pennyfeather

Hayden Pennyfeather
Floyd Mayweather
Hayden Pennyfarthing
Hayden beg your pardon

Hayden penny for your thoughts
Floyd may the force be with you
Hayden find a penny pick it up
Hayden and all day you'll have good
Pennyfeather.

Vilipend

He, The Sun observed
Did vilipend
The hot, pregnant
Rays
of Summer;
Came to early,
left,
too late.
Fucking wasps.

Liquid

5.5 litres
Plus coffees and teas
And now it's a Fosters
But he's only peed
4, maybe 5 times
To his recollection
How is his body capable
Of such liquid collection?

Stuck

His schedule
A mess
He trys his very
Best
To leave the house. But
Despite his best efforts
He'a incapable of leaving
And finds himself stuck
At Lords.

Knock, Knock

At 10:30 he rises,
Shines he does not,
As down the stairs he dresses
Upon hearing a knock.
The postman? It must be,
But his brow drops when it's not;
Are we honest?
Two women in winter attire
Ask, as he gazes through eyes groggy and tired
Probably? Just about? Most people try?
No, young man, don't you see? the world's wicked and dire!
He answers when asked, no, he has not read the bible.
Oh, nevermind, you're not religious? That's fine!
But if you get tempted it's now free online!

JW.ORG

The Spree Pt. 1

In bed he lies
About to close his eyes
But by-and-by
He must try
To write a verse
That sort of rhymes;
'cause like it or not
He's lost the plot, and
Is only
Writing to continue
The spree.

Beans on Beans

Forget the toast
It's beans on roast
Beans on pasta
Beans, the most
Universal haricot
Open the can:
They're good to go.
Corbyn's supper,
Bazza's lunch
But eat them for both
And you'll regret that munch

The writer's seemingly harmless obsession with beans likely hides a darker, more menacing addiction to harder substance abuse, ad we can infer from the word 'haricot' - most likely cockney rhyming slang for blow,  or cocaine.

This interpretation is supported further by the lexical choice of 'munch' - surely referencing the famous 'munchies' that accompany the ingestion of marijuana.

An Online Affair (AKA Halo without Jlo)

Man plays Halo
Not one-on-one Highground
But an online match
In which deaths
Abound.
For try as he might
Despite all his might
He still can't quite
Go positive on his KD
Stats.

New Years Day Day

Again the time comes
The new year has begun
And in true January style
His head and body feel vile
A night of overindulgence
On white strike and stubbies
Of pints in pubs with homeless blokes
And accidental drunken morning smokes
Has left his head reeling and
His whole body feeling
Too bad to...
FIN.

Freegan

Man eats pizza
with garlic sauce.
Despite his best
Intentions
to avoid such dairy-dabbling.

Later ham, a most overwhelmingly
Underwhelming
of meats.
Despite his lifelong
Avoidance
of an animal appetite.

Why?
Then does he continue to
Devour such
forbidden fruits that aren't fruits.
Because they were going in the bin.


Although it may at first appear though the writer has developed a carnivorous lifestyle since birth - as is illustrated through their description of ham as an 'underwhelming[...]' De Factomeat which highlights their refined palette for dead flesh - this idea is quickly refuted by the 10th line's central theme of 'avoidance' of an 'animal appetite'. Thus we are, as a reader, led to believe that the writer is weak-minded and suffering from an inner turmoil between what their ideals - avoidance of 'fruits that aren't fruits' (by which we can infer the poet means meat and dairy) and their  consumption of said foodstuffs. However this theme of inner turmoil is again subverted by the poem's elegantly simple last line 'Because they were going in the bin'.

Bush Sleeps

He sleeps in a bush
To while the time
Dreams of shrub bandits
And stabbing divine
Southampton Central
Has not proved successful
But come 5 a.m.
He's gonna go
Loco.

Custard Cream Sonnet

Custard Creams start out a dream
Crunch and munch that sugar lunch
Crisp sweet wheat meets oh-so-creamy
Centred filling: truly dreamy
At half a pack, it's time to stop
But try as he might, his jaw won't lock
Closed for second, opting instead
To consume yet more biscuits
Against the will of his head.
Crumb after crumb, his taste buds numb
Until he's eaten every one.
But at what cost? 35p seems no great loss...
But look in his eyes and lo and behold
The sugar hangover's taken hold.

Pre-Sleep

Pre-sleep,
Like drinks,
Comes before
Sleep;
That's not to say
That sleep
Is weak
But they can't
Both come first.

On-Screen Keyboard

On-Screen Keyboard
Makes typing a chore
The words take so long
This poem's a bore
Click, click, click, click
Time after time
He soon starts to wonder
If it's worth finishing
This rhyme

Discuss.

Sesame Oil

Sesame oil
Makes budget noodles
Less of a
Toil
Brought to the boil
Any plan to foil
His enjoyment of
Such cheap flour
Coils
Is rendered useless, with
Sesame oil

The manner in which the author places emphasis on verb 'toils' and later the concrete noun 'coils' by attributing each word with their oen respective line, suggests that these lexical devices are of tantamount  importance within the verse. If one were to read the poem with a critical focus on its allusions to modern society, it could perhaps be inferred that the 'Toil' of which the author speaks is in fact referring the toil of mankind, which through all its hard work, only ever 'Coils': perhaps alluding to the concept of a closed loop system in which no progress is ever made but rather that which exists already within said loop is purely sustained. The structure of the verse, both beginning and ending with the words 'Sesame oil', reinforces the idea of a loop, whilst also bringing a reference to Western society's dependence on 'oil' into the poetic commentary.

Horsefly

Suckle at my knuckle
A horsefly or two
Human blood for them
Seems the perfect brew
When they've had their fill
Their bellies quenched
My knuckles're left red raw
Like an overworked wench

Drunken Fall

Whilst under the influence
Of many intoxicants
He falls on his face
With flair and grace
The impression left
Is at it's best
A a gruesome display
Which would leave many
In dismay
Blood on his chin
And a bloodied grin
Nose swollen like a
Mirinda can
At least falling on his face
Protected his hands

The author is quite clearly making a decisive and critical point regarding the state of the modern youth, and through references to the use of 'intoxicants' in such a negative light, crafts a verse of a foreboding nature. The moral of the story is enticingly potent through its simplicity: alcohol is to be avoided if one is to avoid injuring their nose to the point that it resembles a 'Mirinda can'.

Birthday Day

Birthday day
Hip hip hooray
Although in his eyes
He'd much rather stay
'nineteen forever'
Rather than age;
Twenty's plenty
That's agreed
A beer and a curry
Is all that he needs

Last day Of The Year

Last day of the year
But do not fear
For in a matter of hours
A new year will be here
Exactly the same
As the one just gone
But with a different digit
Next to the '1'

Existential Crisis

Existential crisis
In the middle of the night
Is
Something unexpected
Not easily solved by
Anything he can do,
For, when all is said and done
To do
Is to what?